I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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