This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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