You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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