It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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