Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
