just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
