Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
