Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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