You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
