he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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