you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
