My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
