The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The air was thick with penises
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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