It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
