I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
