just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
