I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
