What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
