is your mom at the bar?
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
