He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
