bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
