I feel like abortions should bother me more
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
