I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
