the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
