i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
