you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
