really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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