She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
