if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
