i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My life is pants optional.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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