Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Duck Duck Cougar?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
