I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
