He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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