he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You dont lie about slip and slides
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize