Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
