I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
