dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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