Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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