i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
