and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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