Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
