Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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