She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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