Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
