Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
