i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Send help, water and tortillas.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
