Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
