Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
