dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
