I accidentally had phone sex last night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Randomize
