You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
