Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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