if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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