if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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