Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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