I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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