Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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