apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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