I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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