im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
