He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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