Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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