shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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