Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize