would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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