dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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