she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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