she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
