i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
