Can Purell be used as lube?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
babies were throwing up all over the place
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
