I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
