perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
