Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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