After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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