why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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