So drunk its hurt
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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