i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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