I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
