I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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