Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
