You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
