I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
