Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
