It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i want to swaddle you in tequila
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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