I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
