dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
