what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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