The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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