Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
