i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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