A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
