He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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