I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize