Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
