While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
