I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
