Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
