i need an iv and a liver transplant
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
