well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
