Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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