We won't sleep together?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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