I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
