I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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