; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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