I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
