im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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