My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
