I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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