I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize