FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
God, I missed his penis.
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