It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
